A few humorous stories to brighten your day
Rev. Ted Jones passes on the following:
12 Reasons Why a Local Pastor Stopped Attending Sports Events.
- Every time I went they asked me for money.
- The people with whom I had to sit didn’t seem very friendly.
- The seats were very hard.
- The coach never came to call on me.
- The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.
- I was sitting with some hypocrites- they came only to see what others were wearing.
- Some games went into overtime and I was late getting home.
- The band played some songs I had never heard before.
- The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.
- My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.
- Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches know, anyhow.
- I don’t want to take my children because I want them to choose for themselves what sports they like best.
Rev. Earl Banning composed some “football-speak theology as follows:
Bench warmer- inactive church member
Quarterback sneak- Sunday School teachers entering the church building five minutes after Sunday School begins.
Fumble- lousy sermon
Two-minute warning- The chairman of the board sitting in a front-roe pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.
Illegal motion- Leaving before the benediction.
Blocking- Standing inside the church door complaining to the pastor about the sermon.
Extra point- What you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.
On a political note,
During a debate, one heckler shouted to a candidate, “I wouldn’t vote for you if you were St. Peter”. The candidate shot back, “If I were St. Peter, you wouldn’t be in my district”.
When Congress gets the Constitution all fixed up, they’re going to start on the Ten Commandments, just as soon as they can find someone in Washington who has read them.
Political conventions remind us that the White House is a little like heaven- not everybody who talks about is going there.
Rev. Jacobsen provides the following list of new books.
Perfection and How I Attained It by Rev. Jacobsen
Join the Crowd- How to Have a Dysfunctional Family
Tithing from Credit Cards
Road to Abundant Life- Jonah’s Seaweed Diet
Learn the Bible While You Sleep
Self- Counseling and How to Perform Surgery at Home
Walking by Faith: Climbing Stairs in Bifocals
Building Self-Esteem When You Don’t Deserve It
Raising Great Kids on Five Minutes a Day
Learn to Teach Sunday School Without Preparation
Winning Souls Without Getting Involved With People
How to Forgive Without Anyone Knowing It
Gossip in the Spirit
Revival by Video in Your Own Home
Finally, a woman went to the post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas Cards. “What denomination?”, asked the clerk. “O, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.